| Writings |
Rae |
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But if your heart's not in it, for real.
Please dont try to fake what you dont feel.
If love's already gone,
Its not fair to lead me on.
Cause, i would give the whole world, for you.
Anything you'd ask of me, i'll do.
But i wont ask you to say,
I'd rather walk away.
If your heart's not in it.
fuck.
fuck me.
fuck you.
tears in my eyes.
heart screaming.
fuck the world.
yes.sorry.
i'm THIS vulgar.
if you dont like it.
then jolly well.
fuck off.
bangs head.
i super cant take it.
fuck.i'm the worst bitch on earth.
arghh.
i just feel like cuttting myself to death.
why has things come to such a state.
and tomorrow's the forst day of each month.
fuck fuck fuck.
i want a brand new start.
my head's spinning.
my heart's screaming.
i just want to take that shiny thing.
stab it in my heart.
or something.
or at least.
let the blood drain out.
fuck la.
i dont wanna think abt you.
think abt me.
dont wanna figure this out.
i dont wanna think abt you.
think abt nothing.
dont wanna talk this one out.
wont let you bring me down.
cos i know.
dont wanna think you.
run away.run away.
running as fast as i can.
what have i done?
fuck.
arghh.
everything seemed so well.
until it started.
i hope it doesnt end here.
i really hope so.
fuck it.
cut my life into pieces.
i've reached my last resort.
yes.
i've really reached my last resort.
i have no friends.
i have no you.
i'm afraid.
very afraid.
i'll turn to something horrible.
to take all this away.
the thing so shiny.
seems so friendly.
leaving me wif a pool of blood.
blood filled wif pain and sorrow.
arghh.
2 periods.yesterday.
another 2 periods and reading.
sleeping.in the sick bay.
i missed hell lots of lessons.
arghh.super cant stand my cramps.
nair is just so nice la.
she treat me 1buck yesterday.
for a cup of hot milo.
i could keep the change.
yay.
good thing i didnt go for history today.
heard that gab tan flared.
cos of one of our gossiping sessions.
sighs.
kinda disappointed me.
maybe after this i wont like him anymore.
gonnie roh's still the cutest.
he seemed so so happy today!
maybe he's attached to ms tang la.
wow.
see them smiling so sweetly at each other.
hehes.
okay okay.
i better watch my mouth.
met more dous today!
wow.
tomorrow's nats finales.
woohs.
i cant wait.
the atmosphere.will be like damn high.
screams!
i hate running.
but i love seeing pple run.
woohs.
haa!
how much i love my baby.
squeezes*
wow.
i just finished half a tub of icecream.
chocolate fudge brownie one.
just cant stop eating.
yum yum.
sighs.
i miss you dearie.
i miss you i miss you.
fuck.
i've lost all my bond for you.
i hope you can feel it too.
no point carrying on la.
i just feel damn left out.
thank you.
my baby's been so good nowadays.
she has become so much more understanding!
i'm not going to be independent.
i'm going to rely on her for everything.
hmpf.
she's just so cute la.
blah!dad came to school to have a talk wif me.
just for attituding to mum that morning.
wow.he's free.
pple giving me weird stares.
wow.mevermind.
cip at cck was like so slack!
i was the leader.
i got the authority to order juniors to do duties.
shuang right.
this indian offical there was like.
staring at my hair.
him: does yr school allow spiked hair?
me" touches the top of me hair* erm.my hair is not spiked.
him: it is!if i put my eyes on top of yr head,it'll poke my eyes.
ya ya.so lame.-_-
that short ass finally gets to scold me for something.
after like so super long!
yes.its all my hair.
thats an eyesore to him.
wooohs.
he said i better grow my hair properly.
or next year i dont need to go for track.
wow!
not going for track.
isnt that better?!
oops.
arghh.
i cant stand it.
she's just so cute.
pinch*
arghh.
i'm eating again.
just had a bowl of remen not long ago?
and now i'm eating rice.
hmms.
rice wif seaweed.
yumms.
and please please please.
dont tell me i've grown fatter or something?
shhhhh.
today's so fun!
racial harmony day wors.
cedar was like.
in a holiday mood today.
rocks la.
took some pictures!
my sister's getting prettier.
and thinner.
mingming's sticker on her forehead is so slanted.
ganma looked nice!
yvette is the xiao ji.
qian's just so cute.
aiyah.
rae's the best la.
hoho.
towned today.
one man approached me and qian.
ask us take some couple shots!
for something.
freak out*
qian told him we're not a couple.
he said it was okay.
can act.
-___-l bleahssss?!?!
hmms.
i shall upload the pictures!
today just rocks okay.
my love for you will never end.
songs just seem to get stuck in my head.
you'll always be my baby boy.
:)))
thank you.
my love for you will never end.
you'll always be a part of me.
as long as time keeps passing by.
you'll always be my baby boy.
thank God.
he send me you.
this special person of my life.
you'll always be my baby boy.
:)))) huggs tight.
hmms.
in life you'll meet 3 main pple.
the one you love most.
the one that loves you most.
and the one that will spend yr life with.
it doesnt matter if the one you love most.
doesnt love you most.
its really alright.
i understand.
i simply love you!
gab tan's not here again.
sighs.poor thing.
forever falling sick?
designed for our pullover during his free period.
rocks la.
of cos la.
i draw one.
:)))
eric tan cut his hair.
sighs.
nothing for me to let laugh about during his lesson le.
:(
been going ard the school wif a plaster on my nose!
yes yes.
i fell flat.
and broke my nose.
believe?
haha.
pple giving me weird looks.
tsk tsk.
roars.
i super cant stand that eng kiat.
please la.
dont tell me she really believes that i like her!
pui!
my taste not that bad.
i got someone else on my mind.
and heart.
not that ego.
:
super cant stand that fiona face too!
grrrr.
shh.
i promised nellie.
without you where do i belong.
without you how can i go on.
no love but yours will ever do.
tell me how am i supposed to love my life without you.
arghh!
this song super nice!
the lyrics so meaningful.
tell me baby.
how am i supposed to love my life without you.
tan han kiang has friendster account!
yucks.
number one hao lian king.
hmms.
since i got the time now.
i'm searching for kentan one my one.
i want to see how desperate he is.
woohs.
my sister is so grrr!
she's so full of secrets nowadays.
helped ganma put clues for her amazing race!
hoho.
i'm the guides company leader.
believe?
:)))
love makes the world goes round.
hees.
love makes me smile.
argghhh!
whats so interesting deena?
i want to know.
:))) tsk tsk.
gossipped wif my aiai?
hoho.
i know more things now.
tsk tsk.
things just turn out so unexpected.
darn it.
i got no face to see eng kiat.
qian says i should act crazy and shy.
woohs.
:DDD crazy pig.
life's been fun!
real fun i guess.
just cant stop laughing during lessons nowadays.
like amaths period.
i'll be drawing ms wong's face on my notes or something?
not to mention i cant stop talking rubbish too.
i'm so full of crap.
gonnie roh's so cute!
X)))
had to present our chem presentation today.
what a great last minute job we did.
ms chyng was so impressed by us.
she asked if we finished the whole presentation in like.
15 minutes.
wahahaha.
ms chyng is so cute too.
but gonnie's cuter.
woohs.
i'm so in love wif you.
wait a minute.its not gonnie roh.
hoho.
i'll be starting my crap again.
i better zao.
lalalas.
hmms.
:)))
one crappy day for me.
the word.
i-siews.
is going to get me sent to rc for the third time.
i-siews.thats how ms wong pronunce issue!
roars.its just a big joke.
mdm faridah says she's going to send me to the rc.
mistake:i-siews.
oops.:x
eric tan's another clown la.
he and his stupid hair.
he think he's what!
some yandao.
forever touching his fringe la!
it'll make me and szemin burst into laughter.
mr let's play is back!
hoho.saw him at asembly.
thought that guy looked familar.
he's the lets play guy!
right berr.
:DDD
sec4s are a bunch of bullies.
sec4o and 4c cut our class for jogging la!
grrr.
all cos of that wenxin and virginia.
just refuse to jog okay.
then the whole of 3o starts walking.
what am i supposed to do as the sports rep!
arghh.
i bet ou de yang's ugly or something.
his cartoon's so cute!
and his songs just melts my heart.
and that aw mingming of mine!
yes.
a super great thing she has done.
the greatest thing in her life la.
she went to tell eng kiat that i like her!
woohs.
yes.i do.
very much lehs.
X)))
thanks you thank you.
for helping me to confess my love to her.
hua qian qian played a big role too!
grrr.
jian dan ai+
argghhhh.
bangs head against the wall.
arghhh.
a thousand million times.
i say sorry.
i know sorry doesnt help at all.
cos you once told me.
sorry is only to make me feel better.
sighs.
i dont know.
i really dont know.
after so many things i've done.
to bring such hurt to you.
i regret.
i know.
i didnt think before i act.
i should have thought of you.
before anything else.
i should have thought of you before anything else.
i admit.
i'm much too playful.
i always thought you didnt mind.
yes.
like you've said.
its all my thinking.
i thought i thought.
so what if i thought.
bangs head.
i'm such a failure.
in everything.
i'm such a fool.
i dont think before i act.
i'm playful.
i didnt think of you before i played ard.
you.
the most important thing in my life.
yet.i didnt spare a thought for.
dont you think i'm a failure?
i'm always doing things to hurt you.
make you lose the trust you have in me.
i regret.
i seriously regret.
please give me another chance.
for i've come to such a state.
that i just feel like.
sliting my wrist.
bleed to death.
i know.
no matter how many times i say sorry.
it cant help much.
but i'm truly sorry.
hmms.
cold treatment since last night.
but its alright now.
i'm so glad.:)))
i cut my hair yesterday?
oh yes.
i'm really turning bung la.
hmms.found a passive?
juli says she wants to be my passive.
woohs.
wore my new specs!
i look good.
heh.
oops.:X
self praise.
pple say i look more hardworking!
thats good right.
recess was like so fun!
yes.
i hugged nellie.
she's so cute.
shhh.
i wanna watch a beautiful mind!
for the few first times in my life.
i've been looking forward to english period.
a beautiful mind is such a great movie mans.
nair says i'm cute!
woohs.:)))
oh.how much i miss you sweetie.
pinch pinch*
nellie just rocks my world.:DDD
hmms.i collected my new specs!
took some silly pictures wif it.
pictures upoladed!
go see how keai i am okay.
hoho.
today is youth day!
a day for pple like me.
okok.
i'm really talking rubbish la.
i'm happy ehs.
i dont know why.
i feel like i'm on cloud nine.
i'm going to cut my hair.
did i mention that faridah said my hair was too long.
and i should cut it.
like qians?
tsk tsk.
my auntie says i look like huangyida!
so dotsss.
sighs.
its real boring at home.
jinghuis ans sisters are coming later.
:) bene long since i saw them.
woohs.
sighs.i'm sick.
sniffles*
slight fever and bad flu.
woah.how's that.
what a bad day for me!
whole day like super cold.
just cant stop sniffing.
my nose is just so irritating.
arghhh.shivers*
life is so fair for me.
i'm still stuck at 151cm!
wow.took height and weight for pe today.
hmpf.why cant i just grow taller?
grrrr.
oh wells.
like i've said.
i love the first day of every month!
yes.and today is the first la.
suchen is just so sweet.
this morning she saw me.
she was like.
showing me her ten fingers.
tsk tsk.
what a brand new start.
of a month.
hoho.
:)))
ss/geo lesson was talking rubbish.
faridah asked why there is soil erosion in plantation.
i said.
cos the soil run away.
and got the whole class laughing.
shrugs*
and other rubbish that i said la.
qian said my slight fever has affected my brain.
causing me to talk rubbish.
woohs.
someone help me.
i'm feeling so xinku.
:(((
Rachel / Rae
24th nov 1989
raeraerae_@hotmail.com
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